Dear Justice

The Mainstream
Published Janurary 24, 2012

Dear Justice,

I don’t know how to tell my family that I am in an abusive relationship. I think there might be something wrong with me because I love him and I really don’t want to leave but I know I should because he is verbally abusive to me daily and occasionally it even gets physical. We live together and it is going to be a big deal to move out. What should I do?

Confused in Sutherlin

Dear Confused,

I strongly urge you to contact the Battered Persons Advocacy (BPA) of Douglas County. They have resources to help you get out of an abusive situation safely as well as councilors to help you through the transition emotionally. Living with an abuser can be a very lonely thing. It is difficult to tell loved ones what is going on for many reasons. Just take it one step at a time. The most important thing is your safety.  Helpguide.org states that “even though leaving an abusive relationship can be frightening, the risks of staying are too great.”  Once you are out of harm’s way then you can tackle telling your family and making a plan. If you are not ready to leave yet I encourage you to have a bag packed and ready to go just in case you need to leave in a hurry. Try to keep some extra cash in the bag. Stash your “bug out” bag somewhere that is easy for you to access but hidden from others. Make sure your car has gas in it at all times so you are able to make a quick getaway if necessary.

Justice

This column is for information only and NOT a substitute for professional diagnosis and treatment.